-+Sentiments+-*

Thnk i should stay in school to study, regardless of whether anyone is there with me or not.

There are people there and I leave it up to fate if i meet them or not.
--------------------------------------------

Im soooo stressed now, I forget everything. I forgot that my father's still coming home to have dinner so i ate it all up.

Forgot that I had Chinese Tuition tonight and didn't go. Didn't feel one bit good about it kay? The teacher is a very nice person and I really don't wish to disappoint her. So I think I should stop the tuition.

Better a C for H2 Math than an A for Chinese.
---------------------------------------------
I'm so "out-of-love" again..............  -_-"
No mood for everything, except studying....

8.11PM
15th August 2007

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
7.34PM
15th August 2007

AHHH i suddenly realise that i have no form of entertainment what so ever in my life anymore!!!

Granado Espada has become Pay-to-Play so i got nothing more to do at home. Its not that i cannot afford it out of my own pocket but I'm just too damned tired to sign up for it again....

Friends have come and gone. No one for me to talk to. No one for me to play with. No one is around anymore.

Hope has come. I was really hopeful of change. Hopeful that things WILL turn out for the better. But the higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment.

Think I'm at my limits already. I can't take it anymore, its just too much and for too long a time.

Its wayyy too much.

--------------------------------------------
Feel like vomiting.
Feels so sick.
So tired, So exhausted.
Can't walk properly,
Can't think properly,
Can't live properly.

I'm sick and tired of everything, literally. Think i should get an MC tomorrow. Think i should get an MC for Friday. Think I should just get a permanent MC.

Wish i could be a robot. Even if you're abused, torn and tattered, you won't feel a thing......

7.31PM
15th August 2007

Hey i don't usually dedicate my blog posts to someone okay?
But lets break routine shall we? This is just for you and only you and I can truly relate to this.

=)

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I don't think its fair. I don't think its fair.
Things always seem to go right for the wrong people and wrong for the right people. Recently whenever things are looking up, a thought always strikes me.

Will it last?

Will these beautiful friendships eventually turn ugly or will they stay as perfect as ever?

Its not fair.

Why do we have to meet up only to break away?
Why go through all those wonderful memories only to have the very person we shared them with shatter it?
Why are there always obstacles keeping us apart and finally separating us all?

Barriers of entry? I think not.

Why must we have the affinity to meet, only to have fate pry us apart?
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As much as i refuse to admit it, i believe that there is only one truth in all of this. Good things don't last. Its something that we should have realised since childhood.

Things like this...... we know but we don't really understand. Its just like a person telling you to do homework. You know that it needs to be done but sometimes, you just don't see why.

But then again, how sure are we that this is the end of the road? Even if good things don't last long, how sure are we that this is the extent where it can stretch at maximum elasticity before snapping?

Hope.

As the Principal replied me in his mail, sometimes in life, we must learn to embody hope. Although i am not saying that you are hopeless... oops no is "have lost hope"(XD), things will turn for the better.

No matter how lonely it may seem, there will always be people around you who care for you. No matter how sianz it is, there are those willing to chiong with you to the very end(namely me).

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So not professionally articulated, my thoughts are flying all over the place but i hope you do get my point.
-------------------------------------------

So cheer up kay? The next time we go out make sure that you're truly laughing and smiling with your heart and not your brain (like I always say). And then we'll take a picture together.

A picture of two beautiful, happy persons.

10.49PM
14th August 2007

Its been a long time since I've felt anything like this. To have my presence felt by others for a good cause. To be around for a good cause.

To actually have a cause.

The "Class Initiated CIP" event really recharged me. Met people whose personality have been absent in my life for quite some time now, had fun and actually dedicate myself.

Even though i kinda joined them for only one day, already feel the teamwork being there and a nice crew to work with. A good leader who wasn't the leader of the project and slacky members to hang out with.

Feels like Bismarck
Feels like Pre-U Sem

Feels great!

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http://www.konoai.wordpress.com

We're helping out the Children's Aid Society(Melrose).

Their couple shirts on sales are damned nice. I love it and so will you! Contact me if u wanna buy the shirts! shuaixun and seeleng bought it from me immediately when they saw me in the shirt! But they aren't a couple but its still worth buying!


4.21PM
12th August 2007

A face so familiar yet so distant
Someone I've meet on the Sea before
Floating by
Passing by
Not noticing would be a fault
Not acquainting would be a sin
A face stuck in my head as I brush shoulders with the new
A face that i know so well
A face that I've never seen before
My friend's friend with pink braces
Have you seen me around before?

11.42PM
11th August 2007

=======================================1
OH MY GOSH
i got like this SUPER CUTE pink braces! is cute de lor kay?
It feels like the best decision i've mad since like EVER!!
Feels so ME luhhhh! Never felt so MYSELF b4!!
Its like suppperrr niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
=======================================2
Finally got the pink braces. Really couldn't imagine myself with those pink metallic things before. It doesn't really look bad and its nice to see a change from that grey coloured metal.
=======================================3
Wah siao lah! Got these pink braces damned the chio lah! Wah piang eh! I tell you this CONFIRM shock everyone sia!
=======================================

The three MEs.
Which one is real and which one is fake?
Number 1: The Cute girl act that I've grown up to be inside
Number 2: The Objective act that's ever cool-headed
Number 3: The Tough guy act which I'm revealing to others.

Which one do you think I am?
Right now I'm in the 2 and 3 mode and im not leading a happy life. It just feels fake.
Maybe Number 1 is the real me? Chances are it is. But in this world, nobody can survive when they're so "special" Its not socially accepted.
Then again, maybe I've grown up to be fake. Fake from the start. Its always been 1 and 2, and i've been quite happy in that period of time.

Since 2 is ever-present, it might be me....
No its not. Its just my brain.
So we've got the brain, where's the heart?
If i write anymore it'll just freak my readers out so I'll just stop here.

Hope this blows over soon...

11PM
10th August 2007

The real deal in black,
A cut above the rest,
Superior than all else,
Lovely in perfection,
My fair lady
My fair, fair lady....
============================================

Feels broken
Feels torn
Feels horrible.

I didn't want to emo.
Wanted to keep it in
The heart bled but the brain ordered it not to.
The eyes welled but the brain told them not to.

I can't get over it. I can't get over everything. Its like some childish forms of a habit. Like a child who was robbed of his toys. He wants them back. Badly. He's willing to do anything, pay any price, even if its only a glimpse of his lost toys its all worth it. He's got no money and no ones got the goods for him.

Strength to let go.

Need it so badly

Mentioned it a few posts back.
Just let go you weak bitch!!

8.28pm
7th August 2007

So tired.... shall update you people when i have the energy to write.

8.00PM
7th August 2007

Today's a weird day. Went to school earlier than usual. Went to assembly. Started folding butterflies for the fund-raising projects.

Then Mr Bernard Tan came by and looked for Ding1 Jie2. Woody then proceeded on to saying Ding1 Jie2 is that guy.

Lol get my name right people. Please.

Anw he told me that i should have immediately included his name instead of using " a certain tutor who addressed the hall". He also added that my writing was good and that was the way to write.

Sweet.

He tapped my shoulders and said " don't be disheartened".

Neat

Frankly I'm kind of numb already. Started from May until now. It kinda just fades....

I thought that was the end of it.

At about 5pm, it was time for PE but me and Gersh stepped by the butterfly booth to look at our butterflies. Mr Ang suddenly appeared out of nowhere and wanted to talk to me.

To my surprise, Woody, Clarence, Gershwin and Calvin followed me even when they could have went on to PE and not be late.

Touching yeah?

Mr Ang was like really afraid of what i might have caused by sending that email to the P. But i think his worries aren't worth his effort. Its not like i shot him in the back, its not like i bad mouthed him. My problem was with the whole way the tutors were handling the students and themselves.

Then he said it.
"The P wants to see you"

hahha shiok ah! so exciting. Wonder if he's going to shoot me down tomorrow or want me to elaborate more about the issue. I should watch my words tomorrow

9.25PM
6th August 2007