-+Sentiments+-*

To readers, one and all, and also to Mr. K L Chua,

To Mr. Chua giving me an opportunity to teach, I am grateful. 

I am a current trainer of FiloMath, Maths Specialist and understand that my introduction into it was a rather personal one for me and I had inadvertently assumed that the personal attachment was reciprocated. Therefore, during my time there I had taken a stand such that I expected more involvement of myself into its business activities. 

I apologise for trying to mind the business which I have no right to do so and also for imposing my own ideals of a business model on Maths Specialist. Mr. K L Chua, owner of Maths Specialist, has every right to run the business in the way he sees fit and I had am in no place to comment or criticise him and Maths Specialist. 

As for my blog entries, it is regrettable to say that I have used certain inappropriate terms and expressions to discuss about Mr. Chua and Math Specialist and its workings. I apologise for that too. I understand that words are to be chosen before it is said and done. 

Once again, I apologise to Mr. K L Chua and Maths Specialist for letting my personal thoughts, feelings, emotions and life affect the professionalism which should have been exhibited by me.

And the feeling I had is definitive of the feelings i hold

At that moment, it felt like pure bliss. I was smiling so hard, think i could have went a full circle.

My smile wasn't from the "brain" nor the "heart".

It was from my soul (if i do have one)

Happiness, fleeting feelings, anything you can ever think of.

BUT

I guess Sheena was right.

They're gone, no where to be found. No calls no message.

As if she just disappeared....

I... I guess....... I guess this dream IS a dream and will STAY a dream

*sniffs* *rubs eyes* *looks away*

Heaven seems so far away....... so out of reach.

Is it a such sin to want to get a glimpse that God doesn't approve every single attempt i make?

Then again, it'll be hypocritical of me to blame the "God" character when i'm not a believer myself.

Thats why........ its me who's lost...

7.31PM
26th August 2007

This time.... its so much different.

Familiar Dress
Familiar Grace
Familiar Strength
Familiar Face
Familiar Actions
Familiar Movements
Familiar Body
Familiar Aura
Familiar Presence.

A Familiar You.

===========================

This time round, it'll work.
I'll make it work.
No matter how long it takes.
Its not fake.
The Mo4 Qi4
The Fun
The Sight.

Kindred Spirits?
Or Lost Souls?

I'll find out.

9.32AM
26th August 2007

I'm too tired to blog. But then again, here I am blogging. Ironic.

Blooming late sux real bad.

Just think of yourself being all childish in a mature environment.
People don't give you the respect.
People won't remember you.
People forget you.
Even though you were them for them  through hard times.
Even though you were nice.
You lack the experience to do what you want.
You don't know what needs to be done.

You fail.

Guess "nice" isn't the IN thing any longer.
You fork out more concern than needed, you become a freakish pervert to them.
You try to be concerned with the amount you think is right and they say you're evil-ish-ly apathetic.

You look at people around you.
They are well-accomplished(relatively; comparatively)
You look again.
They're no better than you.
Or rather
You're as good as them.
So why?
Why can they do what you can't?
Why do they have the attention that you so desperately need?
Why can't you be like them?
Why can't your true self compare?

How can they be so strong?
How can they be so liked?
How can they be so important to others!?

What aren't you doing?
What can you do?


YOU'RE SIMPLY CLUELESS!!!

And then you're hurt..... but no one notices.

So you freeze inside forevermore....
-----------------------------------------------------------

I say fuck it all.

8.53pm
25th July 2007

Regrets regrets regrets

1S18
I'm starting to like the class. Shit!

Studies
Determination not enough

Friendships
I can't sustain them for long.

DingJie
TRANSFORMER STATUS: XERO
ShuaiXun
TRANSORMER STATUS: XREE

Working Efficiency
Also xero

I'M NOT A:
do-er
leader
strong willed person
someone who remember birth dates well

BUT
I remembered yours

9.49 pm
5th July 2007

================================
Everyone's lives are filled with different colours, be it red, blue, green or yellow and many others more. These colours meld together to form what we experience and it defines us as uniquely us.

Let's not forget about the different shades and hues of these colours.

No matter whether you are dull-coloured, sianz and uninteresting or the brightly lit and high-flying, if in the end, it all adds up to white, then its more than enough.

Shiawase.....

================================

Our first Staff Meeting!

Who's there you ask?

DJ, SX, KL,PC, SL, C, X

Erm.... Abbrieviations?

Ding Jie
Shuai Xun
Kim leong
Poh Chew
See Leng
Cecil
Unknown X

What did we do you say?

We went to a coffeeshop somewhere in Serangoon North to eat some cook-fry(zhu2chao3) and also to talk some cock.

Dishes you mean?
Herbal Chicken (more than KFC-licious)
Sweet n Sour Pork
Egg
Clams fried with chillli on a hot plate (mostly chilli)
Vegetables (only had one stalk of it)
Fried Tofu(on the house was it?)

Thirsty are we?
Coke x3
Teh-C x1
Kopi x1
100 plus x1
Barley water x1

It finally feels like an organisation (at last). Its the first time we're ever discussing business as a Team and voice out our issues and almost reaching solutions to solve them. Almost.

The Special Generation
Me=> A 17 year old guy who is in JC wanting to go Poly now. Transformers Status: Not Watched. So poor thing.
Braces Status: Attached

Shuai xun=> An 18 year old guy with more secondary school experience than me.
Transformers Status: Watched without me.
Braces Staus: Attached.

See Leng=> A 17 year old lady who's retaking some O level subjects.
Transformers Status: Unknown.
Braces Status: Unknown

Poh Chew=> An 18 year old with more secondary school experience than me.
Transformer status: Not Watched.
Braces Status: Almost did but didn't

Unknown X=>A 22 year old lady whose name and actual age escapes me.
Transformers Status: Unknown
Braces Status:10 Teeth Extracted, Detached

Each in each his/her own right....

The Team got along well even though this is the first time that some of us had actually seen the others. First impressions weren't really that wonderfully day-brightening  but it turned out just fine!

Seems like I'm the youngest amongst them both in terms of age and personal development but I'll catch up....
 
The Camp-in-planning already feels fun right from the start.

11.07pm
1st July 2007

Just when i had left secondary school; just when i left saint gabriels; just when i thought i would never be tagged again....

THIS HAPPENS!

i was really, REALLY touched when I saw this!!

When i decided not to go for camp ASPIRE, i had already decided to stop being the class "leader". Through my absence from the camp, i truly believe that i had learnt more about being a leader than if i were present at camp.

One must not have a "stigmatic" approach towards your team or class.

I didn't like the class, i hated them for doing all the wrong things at the wrong time to the wrong parties. As a "Class Leader", wouldn't i have to take responsibility for their actions? Mustn't I be the role-model for them to follow?
Qn:Were they worth my effort?
Ans: No.

So i gave it up. I gave it all up.

To my surprise, i actually felt more integrated into the class than before. I was able to crap with them, break the rules, bo chap.
I brought myself down to their level!

If you've read about my take on CCC, you'll find that i was bitching about the Seniors of the CCC were not speaking at the junior's level.

I admit.

I'm not a good leader. Never said that i was.
But now i feel like i can do better.

Thats why i was really comforted deep down when i saw that.

Its a reminder to me of what being a leader is about.
Its about not giving your men up.
 Its a second chance..... to do something that i couldn't do before....
Its about you guys......

===============================
P.S. The econs paper wasn't easy. The chi paper wasn't easy.
The Chem and Math paper tmr...... will not be easy... better get down to last minute work...
===============================
10.26
25th June 2007

Talked with Christine today. For about an hour or so? Didn't keep my time. Her personality was, surprisingly, very similar to mine in that we keep quiet over things, we tolerate many. We have reservations about friendships and we won't hesitate to break ties once the lines are crossed (though this really happens once in a green moon).

I guess the Moon gets green once in the blue moon. What is it envious of anyways??

And surprisingly, we're both kinda free.

Booked her for this saturday afternoon. Study at some library near her house (seriously). But just the two of us?

Wanted to get Gloria out. Oops think cannot.

Hoped to get Fiona out. Oops needed at some event.

Tried to get Jasmine out. Oops prefer studying at home.

and so i began to question myself......
                Do i really have to much free time on my hands?
                Am i really so free with nothing important to do?
                                                 Or
                               Am i just trying too hard?
=======================================================
                                       Identity Crisis
=======================================================
Where do I stand in their hearts?Where's my place?Do i even HAVE a place(in the first place)?What am I worth to them?What are they worth to me?
Would my leaving even bother them?
Worth
Place
Status
Who am I?
Probably no one worth your mention....
What am I?
Oh? So you care?
Whats my name?
You'll forget it soon enough....
=======================================================
                                       Identity Crisis
=======================================================

MSNed Gerald a while ago. The problems he faced were, surprisingly, similar to mine. Friends are turning acquaintance but no acquaintance turning friends.
What is our importance?

He mentioned that maybe we should just disappear for awhile and maybe they'll figure that we're too good to let go; that we're something to be missed.

Thats when i came to realise that this was also what i felt initially when I decided to switch to Poly. I wanted those-who-neglect to know that I ain't gonna stay around forever; that they ain't getting away with what they did; that I'll be hurt no more.


复仇
復讐                       <== these are translations from dictionary.com
보복
REVENGE!!!!

Muhahahhahahahhahahah!!
Blahahhahahahhahah *ackackack*aaa!!!

*regains composure*

Childish as it is.

Minor issue here.

you feel me?

12.04AM
15th June 2007

i must admit, I've been much happier these few days than the whole of 3 weeks past.

The SG24's outing two days ago..... it just rox!
The people
The place
The conversations
The Braces

The 1S18's outing today(yups)..... it rox-ed too!
The people
The places
The conversations
The Bargaining
The long rounds through Sim Lim Square

Think Sheena's overseas trip had something to do with it.
Not because she's gone
but because i dont get to emo.
--------------------------------------------------------------
The 1S18's trip out was fun! Even though 5 out of 18 turned up  (the same five).
Let me draw u a concept map
SRJC(study)
 l
 l
 l
 l          Home
 l          ^^
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
 l           l
V          l
Sim Lim Square(Camera + 1 gig M2 Memory Card)
--------------------------------------------------------------
II must admit again, I've been much happier these few days than the whole of 3 weeks past.

Me not going for Camp Aspire meant that i effectively gave up my position as a "Class Leader". That was what they impressed on us. That was what i thought.

Which meant to say that i had chosen to give it up.

Know what? I felt relieved actually. Felt that a huge burden was lifted offa me shoulders.

I could crap with the class.
I'm not the one responsible for their actions( which could prove fatal some day)
I actually felt , for the first time, that i was part of the class.
--------------------------------------------------------------

8.46pm
12th June 2007

I must admit, I've been much happier these few days than the whole of 3 weeks past.

The SG24's outing yesterday..... it just rox!
The people
The place
The conversations
The Braces

The 1S18's outing today..... it rox-ed too!
The people
The places
The conversations
The Bowling
The long walk through Serangoon Gardens

Think Sheena's overseas trip had something to do with it.
Not because she's gone
but because i dont get to emo.
--------------------------------------------------------------


The 1S18's trip out was fun! Even though 5 out of 18 turned up.

Let me draw u a concept map

SRJC(1pm)=====> Heartland Mall (Pizza Hut)
                                  l
                                  l Bus
                                  l
                                 V
                 Serangoon Gardens Country Club ( Is that the name?)
                                                                         ( Bowling)

                  l
                  l  Walk
                 V
           NTUC===> BloxDrive Home==> Saint Francis Xavier(Church of?)
                                                                               l
                                                                              V
                                               CHIJ Our Lady Of Good Counsel
                                                                               l
                                                                              V
                                                                          Home(8pm)
--------------------------------------------------------------

II must admit again, I've been much happier these few days than the whole of 3 weeks past.

Me not going for Camp Aspire meant that i effectively gave up my position as a "Class Leader". That was what they impressed on us. That was what i thought.

Which meant to say that i had chosen to give it up.

Know what? I felt relieved actually. Felt that a huge burden was lifted offa me shoulders.

I could crap with the class.
I'm not the one responsible for their actions( which could prove fatal some day)
I actually felt , for the first time, that i was part of the class.
--------------------------------------------------------------

9.27pm
11th June 2007