-+Sentiments+-*

I haven't given up.
I don't want to give up.
I refuse to believe that this is my all
i know this isn't
thats why
i'll continue
to be true to myself

9.08 pm
8th June 2007

I had a chemistry tutorial today and we drew mind-maps for the various topics. I needed colour pens so i looked through my pencil case. Red, Orange, Pink, Blue. Where's my Green?

Then it hit me

I left it back at NTU's auditorium where all the sleepy(but fun) panel discussions were held, where SG24 first came together that Saturday.

                                          I nearly cried
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Think I'm in Depression already. I don't feel like doing anything. Everything i built up since the start of the year is collapsing.

The Friendships
The Bonds
The Life


I feel like killing myself.... to end it all. To end the misery... to end being human.... to end everything.



If I were to be granted one wish now

I would wish for the end of the world.... immediately.

No matter what people say about hope, about being happy, those things won't last.
i hate humans

8.17pm
6 June 2007

You've hurt me.
You've cut me.
You have no idea how much u mean to me.
Don't get this wrong way.

But i'm hurt.
i'm cut.
yet you continue to do so
even if unwitting
even if oblivious

ignorance is bliss?
to you
but not to others

Today
you decided to slash through me
as if i haven't had enough

Even I didn't realise how damaged i was
until u snapped away at whatever's left of my resolve.
Like splintered plank being chipped.

you're killing me.

you're pushing me away.

maybe unconciously
i'm leaving because of you
and whatever's left of us.

Deep down inside, i wish
That things weren't like this.
That my shields, barriers, guards
and strength to hold didn't break.
That things wouldn't come down to this.

Deep down inside
I've had hope.
hope which still exists
if ever so slightly.
Hope that things wouldn't turn out as i anticipated.
Hope that things will go back to the way they were.

Anticipation?
After the camp
i noticed.
i knew.

Tried preventive measures.
yet you weren't responsive
i failed evidently.

I felt that i could protect you.
I felt that i would.
After all,
It is you we're talking about.
but I feel lost when i see you.
but I feel anguished when i meet you.

I tried to think positively
tried to think that all would turn out fine.
guess i  ""wouldn't look at the bright side
if i weren't already in the dark.""

Sometimes it feels so cold.
Sometimes i wonder if you still care.
Sometimes i question myself
whether or not
it was all worth it.

Remember what i said
during one of the Public Speaking Training Sessions?
Don't overlook those around you.

I guess its just you.
Its just what you do.
Ness (perhaps not as much but still the same)
Me
who else will it be?

If you happen to chance upon this
let me just say
that............................
you ARE one of my most treasured friends


11.41pm
3rd June 2007